Can't believe it, 3 years of classroom setting for med school has passed... parang kanina lang I was looking at the C3 histology group pix kung saan "chubby" pa ako. How time flies and honestly I'm hoping I have the ability to stop the flow of time, make it stand still so that I could appreciate again what has happened. Mahirap din for my part, the one who usually brings a camera to class events, to organize these photos especially now that clerkship is nearing becuase it makes me reminiscent and nostalgic. These pictures really can make me relive the moment, kahit kulitan pix lang yan. You can't blame me if suddenly a tear is flooding my eye. I am grateful for the people I've met, really wonderful med people...

I have this fear that once you enter clerkship, your life is already "scripted or dictated", paved its own way, a road where no one can return anymore, full of burdens and hard work, where all you do is to attend to patients and study until your guts are out. Jeez... is it just me because I'm really not good adapting to changes or is it the transition, the situation where you know everything is already laid out for you and all you can do is swallow its entireity.

I'm really not going to list the things I will miss, mushy masyado hehehe, or to individually address the people important to me, I guess this will be the outlet of my fears if that's the proper word for it. I'm not excited at all...

-Sigh-

You can't blame people from thinking erroneously. What you're witnessing is not what others are witnessing.

Be responsible for your actions and think of its repercussions. At the back of your mind, you should always consider that other people ARE other people. Don't expect them to think how you think.

One can always claim they are doing what's right, but then you can't avoid biases. Expectation is a therapeutic poison, depending on the dosage, it can cure or harm you.

Try to avert your perspective and put them in someone else's... can you really expect the same actions? Stealing is still stealing despite the amount, whether it's a million or a single nil. You can never persuade someone with just a little knowledge, and if you really want to avoid conflict, do so without the bragging and the self-pity.

Spectating... what a great way to learn life's lessons!

mahirap din palang walang mem card reader, hindi ako makapost ng mga pictures, bakit kasi kumikidlat at nagsusurge ang electricity, nasira tuloy laptop ko, whaah... mapupuno na mem card ko, sorry guys na may ineexpect na pix, pano pa yung ibang documentation... haayy...

Tapos na rin ang concert! hoped we've provided entertainment to make your money's worth, tapos na everyday practices, saturday MAB sessions and 11pm dismissals! it was a good run, 3 months preparation, kahit perfect na namin talaga beforehand at maraming namali nung mismong day its no problem kasi inenjoy lang namin yung sayaw, para sakin wala lang ang pagod, puyat at sakripisyo... Talagang nagbond ang terps sa day of practices, at first ako talaga wallflower lng, ndi makaimik kahit marami akong kaibigan na sa terps (sec 2C!), pero eventually and gradually nakilala ko mga fellow teprs at sa4 hanggang 8 oras mo silang nagsasama, magkakaintindihan talaga kayo, hehehe... Its the passion for dancing and the companionship

Salamat sa lahat ng nanood especially sec C, napakasupportive!!! next concert puro sec C na production staff, napakaefficient eh hehehe

anyone will think being a med student is stressful, kala ko rin nung una... 1st year was pure adjustment, mangangapa ka sa lahat ng bagay, being with new people, adapting to the load of things to learn, compromises and sacrifices must be made just to stay put... 1st year was like a gust of wind rummaging every patience, heart and character you have left... tapos dumating ang second year, where lahat ng mahihirap na subjects yata nagdun, kala ko nabubuhay na lang ako para magaral at maghirap...

pero bakit ganun, ngayong nalalapit na ang bakasyon parang gusto ko sana lagi na lang ako nasa classroom, hindi lang para matuto kundi para makasama ang mga taong nakasama ko sa hirap ng medicine... sabihin nyo na lahat, ang wierd isipin na ayoko matapos... pero yun talaga nararamdaman ko... i'm enjoying every moment i'm having sa loob ng room 404, o ng patho lab, o pharma sgd, o sa surgery sgd room... hinahanap ko ang mga taong nagbibigay saysay sa mga ginagawa ko

maybe what made me feel this way e yung class picture ni rheia, it gave me a blanket of security and an inexpressible feeling of being safe... naisip ko ano kaya yung magiging 25th year reunion namin, na after 25 years of graduation babalik kami lahat at magrereminisce sa mga napagdaanan namin habang estudyante pa lang kami, sino magiging mga anes (na sabi ni doc rodriguez pinaka stressful) o magiging surgeon, sino mababase sa ibang bansa, sino magiging family med o patho... hay

pero one thing is for sure, even if i'm not great at expressing things i can say proudly na masaya sa section C, sa subsection C3 at sa batch 2010, na kahit malapit na mga final test etc i'm still looking forward to seeing the same people sa 3rd year, mga naka v-neck na tayo lahat... i'm also hoping na wala, ni isa man, ang mawala pa, nakakalungkot kasi pag iniisip ko...

hehehe, well sorry, gusto ko lang iparating to in anyway, baduy kasi pag sa case presentation ko pa sinabi, hehehe

Luck seems know where must it go to...

Tnx! Sure am lucky!!!

Happy Birthday Dymph and Kuya!

When will you learn... To stop giving in and learn letting go?

Why must it happen in cycles? Is it just right to leave everything behind, aware of the hard work and dedication you gave just to build it?

Stories are made everyday, hearsays, quotes, mimickry...

When you disclose your story to someone, you're letting him see a part of you, entrusting your smiles, aspirations, tears and insights.

There are things better left unsaid, and there are stories that when you impart on someone, even if without telling, that are better not disclosed to others, simply because reality bites and you can't be complacent or exaggerated...

Learn to shut up at times, especially when you know that shutting up is the only way to save your skin...

Hide and Seek!!!

When will tolerance end?

Show me some love and respect I deserve...

When will you stop?

When can I say that I am comfortable... with what I have, and not with what you have...

User... Abuser... Stop pretending

Stop lying... For your sake...

just happy...

just lucky...

 

Mistaken... For every action I took and thoughts I created...

I am selfish, an egocentric maniac trying to change the "world..."

Can one person change the whole world...? Sounds a noble mission, but it will never happen...

I am wrong, why would I tolerate my inhibitions when I know it's just a losing cause...

Why would I doubt? Why would I point a finger? Why would I blame? Why would I be enraged?

When I know it's all my fault... I am a ticking timebomb ready to explode anytime with guilt and hate towards myself...

Why...

It's time to detach...

Now I know who's real and reel... As experience tells me again and again, I was wrong... No matter how hard I try to please, it all ends up to a futile misery...

Now I am seeing the true character the people around me holds. Every sacrifice for some was in vain, and all I achieved was an unwilling charity that gives me the blanket of shudder and regret...

But I never regret... I never place anyone to an uncomfortable situation where he'll realize what I've done, I can never do that...

But why am I expecting?

I was given ample time to ponder on how things will develop... It seems I was just giving myself a hard time...

From this resonating blindness, I shifted to serene clarity... The things I give will no longer go to waste...

Sometimes, we put too much passion on our biggest aspirations that we fail to love the smallest things that we already have. We search so much for the right choices, for the right paths to walk through, for the right time and right reasons...

But really, all the right things are already there...

Serenating Clarity... It's about letting the unexpected happen and finding things we never aspire for...

What's special about November 3, 2006?

Maybe it's the day after All Souls, the last day before the last weekend of the semestral break... For most people, it's just a simple day...

But not for the A-1 children...

Carlo Noel prepared a little gathering at their house... it's not his birthday, he didn't get a raise or a bonus, it's just a celebration of friendship...

Chowking Crossing was the meeting place but it seemed almost everyonhe will be late. The first people to arrive are Carlo, Jonnah, KC and me. Then we picked up Karen Ann (Lim) at Casa Eden.

The table was bountiful, with lots of gastronomical delights...

Then Paolo came rushing, Jong, Bugsy, Kathy, Anton and K-anne.

We played Go Fish c/o KC and Twister c/o Anton...

But what transpired next was the best event...

Sharing stories...

Everyone was satisfied that night, hoping there will be a next time...

Definitely there will be a next time...

Ever experienced being stepped down... Ever been ridiculed in front of the public... Ever felt your worthless and found yourself asking, "WTF, why the HELL am I here!?!"

What's worse is that you listened and absorbed the thought... You really believed you are just a large pile of crap floating in the toilet bowl and stinking up the whole bathroom...

It's either you take a hike and never return or take the mockery as a challenge... A mind game that will test "how to deal..."

Mediocrity... is it? Or maybe someone is not paying attention... All he see are cons and not the pros... Someone must learn how to see every detail...

And you know you've done everything you could but still the same banter... You can always lock yourself and whine or you can just take a deep breath... relax... and excuse what you are "lacking..."

Some just don't know how to look... And some don't know how to laugh...

But for your case, you can always tell yourself, "I'm better, smarter and sillier!"

Finally... after days of deep thought and restlessness...

I'm content...

And I don't need to feel that rapturing smite of fate... I don't need to evade those bullets of malice... All I need to do was to think my value...

It is something that is not bid to the richest, or the smartest, or the mightiest... For even the least of character will be content with it...

What can I offer?

A simple question that measures integrity... Explores the totality of the body... Enriches the hearty soul...

And maybe it's time to show my gratitude to those who guided me to this simple euphoria...

I'm happy...

I was the 5th host of the monthly happy horse session...

Expect the unexpected...

What a night! What a night! What a night!

I guess I don't need to rundown the icons that attended because we were one that night...

At first it was the traditional "kamustahan," a few shots later and it seemed our garage was ebbed back to the old 4 corners of our highschool classroom...

Everyone was loud! Cheering! Celebrating! A-hoy A-hoy!!!

It's a classic scene... No more associations and exclusivity... Everyone was with everyone...

Andok's ni Benjo (hapibertdey), Carbonara ni Jojette, Sisig ni Rhenz, mga Kwento ni Caloy, Tawa ni Gepol, Tamiya ni Harley... at si Jam ang tanggero!!!

Relive the ICONS tradition and spirit... Sanctitas in Sapientia!!!

Inuman na!!!

I just miss my classmates...

November 6 still seems centuries away...

I can already smell the fresh cadaver in the morning (umaga na Anatomy!!!), or is it "mourning..."

My subsectionmates... huhuhu... Where are you...

The protocol, the journal... The quizzes... The shiftings... I miss it... (I'll hang myself after)

The glorified halls of the medicine building... The baffled flights of stairs... The majestic plenary rooms... The tiring laboratories...

The faces of the illustrious faculty (except prev med)... The notes... The USB drives... The digicams...

The smiles... The jokes... The lunch outs... The parties... The research periods...

The friendship... The camaraderie...

We'll see each other soon... My medical colleagues...

Bum... Bum... Bum...

Or is it...

Burn... Burn... Burn...

The supposed-to-be breather for the next semester was turned into days of toil, assiduity and stress for my part... Everyday I'm exerting all my sweat out and I calculate the calories I gobble up... I'm starting to think I'm paranoid... No, guilty, I'm on the brink of anorexia and bolemia...

Just joking... maybe just a little more and I'll put myself in that situation... Caroline Bernadette (aka King Kay) is right... I don't deserve too much torture... Masochism I should add...

And it's just a week before the end of the break when I realized why I was a gargantuan then...

Gastronomical palate... The pleasure of gourmet eating... Buffets...

I missed eating...

Desperate situation... Desperate measures... Desperate outcome...

So I consulted the net to see what can I do 'bout it... I can eat after all, as long as I maintain my metabolic rate, and this is done by doing an hour of strenous aerobic exercise...

I'm not kidding, 30 minutes after eating 1 1/2 kilo of pesto and chicken wings (thanks Avenetto), my stomach starts grumbling again... Did my metabolism hasten? Am I inducing hyperthyroidism?

Maybe I'll just enroll myself to a gym...

Just accept it... you are deceived and there's nothing you can do about it...

Terrible... How you wish you can just disperse that moment... where you gave all your confidence... you felt a transient moment of security... nothing will go wrong...

Alas! Foolish... heave-ho, heave-ho... you can't return everything back to normal again...

You can always lie in your bed, feel desperately furious, stay for at least 18 hours thinking why should it happen... why should you experience the masking of your trust... can you do anything? Time is a powerful matter that won't let itself be bent... it is a powerful resource that should be monitored as each minute passes by...

Accept it, maybe you've lost the trust... but swivel to another perspective... you have many things to gain... yup, you lost one, but gained two

Two? It's a lesson, it's also a measure... what else can you ask for... Embrace the pain, lower the pride and dictate the ego

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger... Quoting a commercial, "Fall seven, stand eight..." You still have 3 million square miles to visit... Unchartered places that will make you realize, yup, there's still a world out there...

It humbles you... and makes you strive for order... It elates you to a situation where you know you can never go wrong again... it let's you see whom you should invest your trust...

It's an experience that is bittersweet...

And I have to realize it the harsh way... it is true that if a bad sprout has been imbedded on a fertile soil bed, no matter how meticulous you grow it, decay will still manifest...

And so I pondered on... why am I letting these things get into my nerves... I can always throw off some excess baggage... filth and garbage... parasites... they really don't matter...

And why do I still continue?

Maybe because experience also made me realize that I was wrong... things can always go the right way...

Patience...

And so I adhere again to what most people call "blindness" ANOPSIA? QUADRANTANOPIA?

Maybe they'll see what I see...

And that blindness resonates among the people I encounter... for I always believe in harmony... tranquility...

When will I receive inner peace... maybe if I still continue to adhere to that belief... the "inner peace" I'm longing for may never come...

Sad fate... But what can I do? I am fogged by my objective... this sublime harmony... does harmony means me going blind?

And so if it's true... then I will never see again...